Why I Wear Purple

Several years ago, a friend of a friend wrote a letter to his mother, drove his pickup truck to the local cemetery, held a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. Why he did it is anybody’s guess. He had just received his third DUI and was reportedly despondent over the fact he was going to have to spend time in jail. There was also a rumor going around his small Texan hometown that he was gay and had never come to terms with it. Whatever the reason, the world is now without this fun-loving and talented cowboy who loved animals, storytelling and a good whiskey.

I couldn’t help but think of him when, a few weeks ago, we learned of the fifth gay teen suicide within three weeks. Tyler Clementi, a talented violinist and freshman at Rutgers University, jumped from the George Washington Bridge on Sept. 22 after his roommate recorded Tyler’s sexual encounter with a man and posted it on the internet. Asher Brown, a 13-year-old middle schooler near Houston, Texas, shot himself in the head. His family said he was “bullied to death” for his small size, his religious beliefs and because he did not wear designer clothes and shoes. In Indiana, 15-year-old Billy Lucas’s mother found him hanging lifelessly from barn rafters. Although he had never told anyone he was gay, he was picked on relentlessly by his classmates because he was different and was told “you don’t deserve to live.” Raymond Chase, an openly-gay culinary arts student at Johnson & Wales in Providence, Rhode Island hanged himself at the end of September. And 13-year-old Seth Walsh of Tehachapi, California, was discovered by his mother who cut her own son out of the tree from which he was hanging. He died after 10 days on life support.

A word of disclosure here: I have more gay friends than I can count and have even been dubbed a “queer whisperer.” At this point in my life, most of my friends and I are comfortable in our own skin and in being ourselves. So it pains me to think of my gay friends today – the surgeon, the caterer, the event planner, the education consultant, the assistant vice president – as 13-year-olds being bullied by their schools, churches and, yes, even their families to the point of wanting to end it all.

One friend recalled coming out to his mother and the primal, guttural screams that followed. He knew she would prefer his death over his homosexuality. Another told me a story of preparing his Christmas gift list and asking his mother what she wanted. Her response: a white daughter-in-law and a white grandbaby. Secure in her own salvation yet fearing for her son’s, she had no qualms in dropping the “n” word.

But those horror stories have recently been balanced out with good ones. A little over a year ago, I had the honor of attending a friend’s same-sex wedding. The ceremony was beautiful, the party was lavish and the meal was spectacular. But one of the standout moments of the weekend came when my friend’s father, a devout Hindu, made a toast to his son and new son-in-law. The pride and love he felt for both were so very evident. It gave me hope that things are changing.

Attitudes will evolve, laws will change, and things will get better. Please don’t deprive the world of your fabulosity, for whatever reason.